Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
