bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
