nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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