I skipped work to stalk him.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
