farters have to be the big spoon...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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