Will you blow on my dice?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
