dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The uberlube is also flammable
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
