...so i touched it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
