and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
