if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
sex in a hospital.. check
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
