So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
