My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
