Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
