I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
