so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
