No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
