Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
