It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
