i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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