shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
