Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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