He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
