I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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