come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
