I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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