I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
