We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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