even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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