Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
