All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
