I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
its liver damage thursday
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
