I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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