The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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