The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
