Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
