No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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