Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
BRING THE BAGELS
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
