Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Everyone says I win the strip club
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
