Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
