Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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