well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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