I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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