he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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