I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
