ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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