I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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