he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
