why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
