white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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