I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
porn star boner night. come get it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
