Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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