so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she pinky promised me she was 18
where are you?
Hypothermia
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
