You just made me feel so damn special
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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