We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
