its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
