I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
