I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
