my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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