dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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