I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
