Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
