Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
