He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
