wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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