I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
