I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
